I Regret

I know I should forgive and forget,
But for some reason, with him I lack the capacity
I know I should able to place a smile on my face in his presence
But with this situation I lack the ability
I know I put way too much into it than I should have
That much I am able to accept
I know I should be able to say, "glad I learned something."
But the truth is I have regrets:
I regret allowing myself to become wrapped in him
I regret losing myself to become what he deserved
I regret passing up an opportunity to smile because he was not the reason
I regret doubling my love to make up for the reciprocity I never received
I regret waking up each day thinking about how I could make him smile
I regret looking in the mirror and considering for too long what he would think of my hair
I regret staring at the wardrobe options to find which shirt best covered my broken heart
I regret not being able to truly love him because I honestly knew it would never work
I regret placing my heart in harm's way and allowing it to reside there for this long
I regret locking my heart in a lonely room
Sometimes even I lack the combination to its locked door.
I regret building a house around it, and constructing a wall that my smart mouth guards.
I regret having the love for him to forgive him enough to place on him no blame.
Yet I lack the nerve to offer myself the same deal...
I regret being scared to forgive me, Out of fear I'll follow that path of regret again
I regret losing the will to love someone who will love me the way I love them
I regret feeling as if all the love I had to give has been given, received, and taken for granted
I regret having regrets, living in regret...no existing in regret
A heart bound by regret does not rejoice in life
A smile disguised by regret never shows its true beauty
A mind consumed with regret lacks the capacity to imagine the amazing future
And eyes that only see regret when looking in the mirror will never see that God given light.
That light they allow to shine on the forgiven
That light they can offer those in need of a friend
That light that allows them to love others through pain
That light that shows the good in others
Most of all I regret living in my self- imposed darkness...

A Lonely Room

Sitting in a Lonely Room
Wondering what paths my life could have taken had I not chosen the path of knowledge
Thinking where my heart would lie had I not taken the path of hurt
Wishing I had decided to let my life begin without attempting to prepare for what "may happen"
Believing I'm missed out on life just trying to prepare for it
Twenty three years existing and little life to show for it
Countless encounters, little love to result from it
Many affiliations, few real friends gained
Much acquired knowledge, countless lessons learned, yet really what do I know?

Sitting in a lonely room
Wondering if I'll ever find the strength to truly invite someone in
Will I ever offer them a seat in this lonely room
When will I strike up a conversation and find they are much like me?
If I find this is the case, have I lost the right to sit in this room alone?
Or do I invite someone into to this room
And find, like many times before, this room holds a gift the masses would not cherish
I am comfortable in this room
Yet I am alone in this room

Sitting in a lonely room
Waiting for someone to enter who can relate to me
Alone in a lonely room
Hoping for someone who questions his path
By myself in a lonely room
Sure that someone will enter who has already traveled this path
Without a friend in this lonely room
Searching for just one face with that blank stare of confusion and hope
Sitting in this lonely room
Surrounded by a crowd of people...

Untitled

Living without ever feeling regret, animosity, confusion, hurt, or sadness is impossible
Living with these things forever is also impossible

Falling in love with someone--BLISS
Standing beside that person when they are at their weakest--STRENGTH
Allowing them to treat you badly when you deserve better--Confusion
Knowing they aren't perfect but seeing them that way in spite of--LOVE
Watching them walk away from you--Sadness
Watching them turn around--JOY
Embracing them as they return--FORGIVENESS
Loving them as if they have never put a frown on your face--GOD
Allowing them to treat you badly when you KNOW you deserve better--Confusion
Knowing they don't love you the way you love them but pushing forward as if they do--LOVE
Seeing them with someone else--Sadness
Hearing their voice calling out to you--JOY
Answering as if your eyes have never cried longing for that moment--FORGIVENESS
 Feeling the embrace of that person again, for what may be the last time--BLISS

Why waste time in a cycle with someone who cares nothing about you
And continue wasting time and emotions on them after you know something better exists

Knowing that person's heart does not belong to you though their arms, in that moment might--Hurt
Realizing that person knew all along they were putting you in a cycle of joy and confusion--Anger
Seeing how you, too, knew what was going on but chose not to stop it--Disappointment
Still loving this person, knowing their motives had nothing to do with love--Agony
Seeing this person live life without feeling the sadness you constantly feel--hell
Not having anyone to offer you a shoulder because they all told you "they weren't no good"--Depressing
Dealing with your loss alone --Loneliness
Learning that dealing without others doesn't mean you're doing it alone--GROWTH
Watching time go on though this person is not in your life--LIFE
Leaving that person in the past--SURVIVAL
Enjoying the present--POSITIVITY
Anticipating your future--HOPE
Loving another like you have never been hurt before--AMAZING


Though it hurts to experience loss, we must not allow what we have lost cause us to lose ourselves

It's okay to hurt.  As a matter of fact: pain is the aftermath caused by the exit of weakness.
Use your newly acquired strength to become a better person in preparation for the person God will emphasize those good things with...