I Regret

I know I should forgive and forget,
But for some reason, with him I lack the capacity
I know I should able to place a smile on my face in his presence
But with this situation I lack the ability
I know I put way too much into it than I should have
That much I am able to accept
I know I should be able to say, "glad I learned something."
But the truth is I have regrets:
I regret allowing myself to become wrapped in him
I regret losing myself to become what he deserved
I regret passing up an opportunity to smile because he was not the reason
I regret doubling my love to make up for the reciprocity I never received
I regret waking up each day thinking about how I could make him smile
I regret looking in the mirror and considering for too long what he would think of my hair
I regret staring at the wardrobe options to find which shirt best covered my broken heart
I regret not being able to truly love him because I honestly knew it would never work
I regret placing my heart in harm's way and allowing it to reside there for this long
I regret locking my heart in a lonely room
Sometimes even I lack the combination to its locked door.
I regret building a house around it, and constructing a wall that my smart mouth guards.
I regret having the love for him to forgive him enough to place on him no blame.
Yet I lack the nerve to offer myself the same deal...
I regret being scared to forgive me, Out of fear I'll follow that path of regret again
I regret losing the will to love someone who will love me the way I love them
I regret feeling as if all the love I had to give has been given, received, and taken for granted
I regret having regrets, living in regret...no existing in regret
A heart bound by regret does not rejoice in life
A smile disguised by regret never shows its true beauty
A mind consumed with regret lacks the capacity to imagine the amazing future
And eyes that only see regret when looking in the mirror will never see that God given light.
That light they allow to shine on the forgiven
That light they can offer those in need of a friend
That light that allows them to love others through pain
That light that shows the good in others
Most of all I regret living in my self- imposed darkness...