My Friend

You are not my friend.
You are someone who knows I will be there when you are in need.
You are someone who knows I will answer when you call
You are someone who knows I lack the ability to say no.
But you are not my friend.

You are not someone I can confide in
Because you wait til I need you, and bring my weakness to the surface.
You tell me what you think I want to hear
You hear what you think I want to say
But you are not my friend.

I must love you
Because that is the person that God created me to be
A person who sees the best in others,
But is well aware that all light has a shadow somewhere
You are a person, and because of that I love you
But you are not my friend

I care about you
But I know that one day, our paths may be miles apart
The road would be lonely travel, without a traveling partner
So I selfishly allow you to travel this life cordially with me
But you are not my friend

Even when you hurt me, misuse, or abuse me
God is still leading and driving
Potholes, nor rocks, nor uneven lanes, nor road rage of others on this road
Will stop me from loving all those I pass
Or helping any of those, like you, who need me

But make no mistake
Have no doubts
Let me answer all questions
Be completely and crystal clear
You are not my friend

I Never

I never knew the rain could be so cold
Til I found myself lost in it
I never thought the rainbow had any boundaries
Until I found myself at the end of it
I never believed in a pot of gold
Until I saw that God could send it
And I never believed that prayer would heal my heart
Til I gave it a chance to mend it

I never knew the wind could blow so hard
Until the day I felt it
I never knew the loss of a friend could harden the heart
And the kind words of another could melt it
I never knew that a song could push me to tears
Until such a melody was belted
And I never knew how much the past tries to hold you hostage
Until the day I left it

I never knew I wasn't good enough
Until someone I respected had to say
I never doubted my abilities
Until someone I loved said I wasn't doing it the right way
I never questioned my self esteem or ability to be a good person
Until I started listening to they
And I never knew what potential greatness tomorrow held for me
Until tomorrow was today

I never thought I had a problem with my heart
til man showed me he could break it,
I never thought friendship could be stolen
til man showed me he could take it,
never knew love could be unreal
til man showed me he could fake it,
And I never knew how strong I was
til God told me I would make it!

He Sees ME (Pt. 2)

It's not a good day
but for some reason hearing his voice makes it less hard
With only one word he can tell something is wrong
Could it be I've let him in without ever relaxing my guards?

His words offer me comfort
Though he is unaware of the soothing power of his voice
Without ever saying that "Things will work out"
Just because he speaks, "things" have no other choice

I smile sometimes just thinking about his smile
I blush often wondering what it would feel like for him to kiss me
His lips must be what love feels like
His arms are what strength was meant to be

His hugs make my heart melt
His eyes caress my soul
All these things he does to me
And I bet he doesn't even know

He stimulates all of my senses
Without so much as a touch
Just the way he knows my every thought, desire, and ambition
Is sexy enough...

I sometimes wonder how his eyes work
What magic they must hold, how amazing they must be
Because for the first time, and I do mean the first time
I feel like he sees me for me

And it's an amazing feeling
It almost pushes me to tears
To know all the things about love I've been running from
He gives me no reason to fear

I can tell him anything
I can ask him anything
I can share with him anything
And yet he asks for nothing

With him, it's simple
But it makes so much sense
Everything about "us" is obvious
Yet somehow we maintain just the right level of suspense

Without us being face to face
He gives me everything I could ever need
And unlike every other man, who I now know just looked at me
His eyes truly see ME

I did Love

It's not that I don't love him
It's not that I couldn't love him
It's not that I didn't love him
Because I do, I could, I did
I didn't trust him
Never had a reason to
Had many reasons not to love him too
But somehow I did
But trust we lacked
Maybe it was because I knew too much
Maybe it was that I'd seen too much
Maybe it was because I loved him too much to truly trust him, and have him hurt me
Maybe I needed a have myself to blame, when all was said and done
Maybe I needed someone to share the blame
Because I loved him too much to let it all be his fault
But I did love him
I did
I mean I had to
I didn't leave when the world knew I should
I didn't leave when I knew I should
I didn't leave when he knew I should
I loved through it
I did love
I really did
Didn't I?

Would you continue to read?...

Beginning to a story I'm writing. Question being if this were a real story would you continue to read. Would love your honest feedback. I have written more to it, but I just want to know opinions from this snapshot:

I’ve always loved my home. I loved the pink and brown curtains that hang in my bedroom. I loved the chocolate walls that surrounded me when I lay down to rest at night. I loved my big comfortable bed, and I loved the matching mahogany lamps that sat on both sides. More than all of those things I loved the plush brown carpet with subtle specks of pinks that could barely be seen. You may ask why I loved most of all, the carpet that warmed my feet on cold winter nights, but the truth is that carpet was the one thing I knew belonged to me in that house.

You see, my boyfriend, Trenton was a wealthy man. When we made the decision to move in together—well when he decided he wanted me to move in with him, he gave me free reign over the decoration of the bedroom. He said I could decorate it, but he “controlled it” if you know what I mean. So in choosing the colors I picked the colors of our senior prom. It was the first night that Trenton told me he loved me. It was the night of many firsts as a matter of fact which leads to the most special part of that night. It was the night that my son Trevor was conceived. Yep on the first time! So for all the ladies living in that myth, that one time or the first time is worry free, leave that mess at the door.

Anyway this carpet held a special place in my heart because Trent let me tell him what I wanted and when I couldn’t find it, he had the design made to my specifications. It set him back quite a lot, but I could honestly say, I was the only woman in the world who had this carpet. That type of thing made me love this man because it was just one of those things he would do even when he didn’t have to. Trent was sweet that way, when he wanted to be. It was the nice things he would do and say that kept me hanging on his every word, even when he went into his spells of not saying much to me at all. I truly loved that man, and there was nothing I wouldn’t for him to make sure he was happy. Nothing!

As I look down at the ring on my finger on my “committed” finger, I can honestly say I never thought with the way Trent threw cash around I would have such a modest ring. Now don’t get me wrong I love my ring, and it is the only possession besides my carpet that I see the most beautiful memories in. The ring however will be the one of those two that I will take with me in my new life. I will no longer seek the comfort of this carpet to warm my feet as I hurry into the bedroom. I will no longer seek its plush feeling when Trevor and I play on the floor. I will no longer roll around on it the way Trent and I had done the day it arrived. Had it not been of such softness I would probably still have carpet burns covering my back and knees. So much sentimental value I had placed on the same space I walked on. Where I dropped champagne, where tears fell during late nights when Trent wouldn’t make it home. So much of my emotions lay there on the floor, and everyday Trent had stepped all over them. No, I would not be taking this beautiful ugly reminder with me to my new life. The ring, to the contrary, was still beautiful to me. When I looked at it, I saw all that was beautiful in my relationship. I saw truth, commitment, love, and most of all I saw trust. Inside my ring their read a message, “Trust—not just a word, a continuous circle I never want to escape.” The carpet would have to stay here in this house of pain but the ring, yes it would go well with the new décor of my new life.

Hope you enjoy, but if you didn't I would still like to know.

The Final Chapter...

After all this time, I woke up this morning feeling like it was enough. There had been enough wondering what I could have done differently, who I could have been, or how I could have loved. The truth was I knew what the situation was from a few weeks into it. Yet I was a woman, and kept the mentality, "If I am good to him, he will learn to be good to me." "I have done nothing but love him, why should he offer me any different?" I must admit that for months, 7 at least, I sat in a state of denial. For at least 5 months after that, each day I questioned God. Yep God. I got so bold as to question God. I wanted to know why He would even introduce me to a person who was no good for me. I wondered why He would allow me to fall for this person knowing there was no future. Even when I was sure there was no future, though my heart had not caught on, I asked God what I was supposed to learn. I truly looked up one night and questioned God on whether He understood.

Yet last Sunday as we talked about how Christ hung with two men guilty of crimes they had been accused of, yet He was innocent of all things. People mistreated Him and He was guilty of nothing, it finally hit me. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are. It doesn't matter how good of a woman I am. It doesn't matter how good of a friend I try to be. It doesn't matter if I answer the phone when you want to talk about you. It doesn't matter if when you ask me what I think, if I answer with all honesty. It doesn't matter if I love you with a passion I sometimes lack for myself. It doesn't matter if when you need me, I'm always there. It doesn't matter if I treat you with respect. It doesn't matter if I treat you as I want you to treat me. Most importantly it doesn't matter if I believe treating you right, will persuade you to treat me right. It is never enough. It will never be enough for any man. Because we have been given so much, the desire to have more will always exist.

The fact is I can't question why none of these things can be good enough for others. Because I'm honestly at a point when getting a text from a friend that simply says "What you doing?" shows that they care enough to ask. Three words (lacking a verb...LOL) mean, you crossed my mind, and rather than ask someone I see down the road about you, I want to know from you what occupies your time. You have just crossed my mind, and rather than waste an opportunity to share what might be a memorable conversation. I'm loving the fact that when I send a "Have a Good Night" it means more than I'm going to sleep, so don't call or text. It means before I go into a state as close to death as many of us truly want to go, you have crossed my mind. Wishing you well is how I would love to end my day. Having the opportunity tell you that means something. The little things are truly enough for me. I love the little things and probably look too much into them, but they are enough for me.

The little things often make my day brighter when I catch their presence. Yet as I lie awake each night, I wonder how much sweeter they could be if not dampened by equating them with something that used to be. I wonder how much better I could love myself, if I had that love for me, I had for him. Today I'm ready to find out. Today I'm finally ready to close that book. I've got so much more to write...

A cut grows deeper and deeper until you let it heal. Day 1: let the healing begin.

Getting Comfortable

I keep wondering why I just can't sit still
I tell myself when you get the time you're gonna do this
You're gonna do that
You don't have anywhere to be, so you finally have the time to get all the stuff done, you said you would do.
But somehow I still don't find the time
My time to relax is no longer relaxing
I just can't sit still
Yet I'm not happy
I'm not fulfilled
I'm wondering what's next for my life
I'm looking but I'm not searching for more
I have plans but I feel like God's doing His work
I'm finally at a place where I'm ready and prepared to wait on Him
Yet, He keeps me on my toes
Everyday he sends me opportunities, and I'm reaching out for them.
Most days I feel like He's letting me know He is able to give me anything
But he has SOMETHING better in store
Yet I just can not for the life of me sit still...
I'm a little unsure about everything, yet I'm not stressed
I'm still working on giving it ALL over to God
Yet I've learned enough to know He already has control of it
So why can I not just enjoy where I am?
Why can't I sit still?
I just can't get comfortable...

Awaiting Fantasia's Interview...

My First Opinion Blog:

Okay so the Fantasia interview with E! will air tomorrow night, but before I watch the interview, I want to give my two cents. My goal is to do it in 4 points or less. Bear with me.

1. Fantasia has to be one of the most "used" celebrities we've been introduced to. In watching her show (I love reality tv it seems) we saw how many people she is now responsible for. I must say the fact that she takes it all in stride is something to admire. Then we see the stories of lawsuits of her father, and we saw her brother come and go in and out of her house because he couldn't have things his way. Either way as a family woman, I was extremely impressed with her. I gained a lot of respect for her watching her interact with her daughter and the rest of her family. For this reason when I learned of her legal issues with the wife of her boyfriend, I was a bit shocked. However the truth is Fantasia is only human.We as the public must realize celebrities are ONLY HUMAN. Humans have emotions that most of the time are extremely hard to control--be they love, hate, despair, depression, or happiness. We can all admit they are hard to get in control. And sometimes the key is NOT to get the in control but rather let them out, which brings me to my next point.

2. When one gets to the point that life is no longer worth living it's usually not just because of another person. It usually has deeper meaning than just I don't wanna deal with their mess anymore. Celebrities are often the most unhappy people on the face of the planet because not only do they have to deal with the same problems we "regular people" deal with but they have to live out their faults and insecurities publicly. It has to be a sad life. They get all these adoring fans who put them on a pedestal higher than they hold themselves, and a comparable number of naysayers waiting for their first wrong move. On top of that, they take on the primary role of bread winner, and allow too many people to depend solely on them. Some celebrities, too, must realize they are only HUMAN.

3. When a man/woman tells you they are separated from their significant other, take heed. For them to approach another person when they have unfinished business is wrong on so many levels, but that is another entry for another day. However when they approach a single person and give that information, they are giving conflicting signals. Embarking on a conquest, means there is a goal in mind. In other words, for that man or ANY PERSON, to approach another for the intention of dating gives the impression that some sort of future is a possibility. Though dating has changed over the years at my age, 23, and beyond dating someone comes with the possibility of something more--meaningful. If not then you are pretty much just "friends with benefits" and the world never hears that you even know eachother. However with the admission of being in a state of separation, he OR ANY PERSON, canceled any such future because he did not have that too offer. It was already taken by his wife, whether he lived with her or not. Yet his continuing anything with Fantasia gave her the false hope that a future could be had. Truth be told you can not plan a future with a married man. There will always be another party who has a stake in the relationship. I said all that to say this. She was not blameless but she is not solely to blame.

I should add in here that this is true for any MAN or WOMAN who knowingly goes into a situation with a married individual. It doesn't matter how famous they are: whether Angelina, Fantasia, Alicia, or Sarah from down the street.

4. Life is worth more than any circumstance and clearly God has more in store for her than what she has already done. I don't know her personally and I await the interview, as some of my thoughts may change, but for the most part I doubt they will. And for all those who say we should be praying for her instead of dwelling on what she did. I agree wholeheartedly. But there is a lesson to be learned, and sometimes God shows you through others. I too have been approached by married men. Let's face it they are about the easiest men to get these days, but they are taken, and can not offer me or anyone else any type of future. And honestly, if you want any type of real marriage, you can, in good faith break up another's without worrying if karma is real.

He looks at Me

He stares at me and then turns his head.
It is as if his eyes no longer see what they did at one time.
It is like the sight of me causes him pain.
Much like that he caused me with a lack of reciprocity.

He walks by me and doesn't speak.
It is as if to utter words in my direction would tear him apart.
It is like talking to me would bring back some painful time in his life.
Much like it does when I hear his favorite line in a movie.

He sees me coming and goes the other way.
It is as if being near me will cause him to burst into tears.
It's like my presence will somehow ruin what he is working to build.
Much like I'm constructing a life without awkwardness and drama.

Maybe he hates the sight of me because he thinks he'll see what he did to me
Maybe he can't speak to me because he fears I will talk about it
Maybe he doesn't want to be near me because he'll see it's by no means the same as it used to be
Maybe there is a reason he pushes me out of his sight, conversation, and presence

Could be because he still has to look in the mirror
He still has to live in his own presence,
And the conversation he plays in his thoughts could never be the one we have in real life.
Could be it's easier to avoid me than himself.

He looks at me and turns his head
He walks by me and doesn't speak
He sees me coming and goes the other way
SCREW HIM!



Part 2 Coming Soon...

I Regret

I know I should forgive and forget,
But for some reason, with him I lack the capacity
I know I should able to place a smile on my face in his presence
But with this situation I lack the ability
I know I put way too much into it than I should have
That much I am able to accept
I know I should be able to say, "glad I learned something."
But the truth is I have regrets:
I regret allowing myself to become wrapped in him
I regret losing myself to become what he deserved
I regret passing up an opportunity to smile because he was not the reason
I regret doubling my love to make up for the reciprocity I never received
I regret waking up each day thinking about how I could make him smile
I regret looking in the mirror and considering for too long what he would think of my hair
I regret staring at the wardrobe options to find which shirt best covered my broken heart
I regret not being able to truly love him because I honestly knew it would never work
I regret placing my heart in harm's way and allowing it to reside there for this long
I regret locking my heart in a lonely room
Sometimes even I lack the combination to its locked door.
I regret building a house around it, and constructing a wall that my smart mouth guards.
I regret having the love for him to forgive him enough to place on him no blame.
Yet I lack the nerve to offer myself the same deal...
I regret being scared to forgive me, Out of fear I'll follow that path of regret again
I regret losing the will to love someone who will love me the way I love them
I regret feeling as if all the love I had to give has been given, received, and taken for granted
I regret having regrets, living in regret...no existing in regret
A heart bound by regret does not rejoice in life
A smile disguised by regret never shows its true beauty
A mind consumed with regret lacks the capacity to imagine the amazing future
And eyes that only see regret when looking in the mirror will never see that God given light.
That light they allow to shine on the forgiven
That light they can offer those in need of a friend
That light that allows them to love others through pain
That light that shows the good in others
Most of all I regret living in my self- imposed darkness...

A Lonely Room

Sitting in a Lonely Room
Wondering what paths my life could have taken had I not chosen the path of knowledge
Thinking where my heart would lie had I not taken the path of hurt
Wishing I had decided to let my life begin without attempting to prepare for what "may happen"
Believing I'm missed out on life just trying to prepare for it
Twenty three years existing and little life to show for it
Countless encounters, little love to result from it
Many affiliations, few real friends gained
Much acquired knowledge, countless lessons learned, yet really what do I know?

Sitting in a lonely room
Wondering if I'll ever find the strength to truly invite someone in
Will I ever offer them a seat in this lonely room
When will I strike up a conversation and find they are much like me?
If I find this is the case, have I lost the right to sit in this room alone?
Or do I invite someone into to this room
And find, like many times before, this room holds a gift the masses would not cherish
I am comfortable in this room
Yet I am alone in this room

Sitting in a lonely room
Waiting for someone to enter who can relate to me
Alone in a lonely room
Hoping for someone who questions his path
By myself in a lonely room
Sure that someone will enter who has already traveled this path
Without a friend in this lonely room
Searching for just one face with that blank stare of confusion and hope
Sitting in this lonely room
Surrounded by a crowd of people...

Untitled

Living without ever feeling regret, animosity, confusion, hurt, or sadness is impossible
Living with these things forever is also impossible

Falling in love with someone--BLISS
Standing beside that person when they are at their weakest--STRENGTH
Allowing them to treat you badly when you deserve better--Confusion
Knowing they aren't perfect but seeing them that way in spite of--LOVE
Watching them walk away from you--Sadness
Watching them turn around--JOY
Embracing them as they return--FORGIVENESS
Loving them as if they have never put a frown on your face--GOD
Allowing them to treat you badly when you KNOW you deserve better--Confusion
Knowing they don't love you the way you love them but pushing forward as if they do--LOVE
Seeing them with someone else--Sadness
Hearing their voice calling out to you--JOY
Answering as if your eyes have never cried longing for that moment--FORGIVENESS
 Feeling the embrace of that person again, for what may be the last time--BLISS

Why waste time in a cycle with someone who cares nothing about you
And continue wasting time and emotions on them after you know something better exists

Knowing that person's heart does not belong to you though their arms, in that moment might--Hurt
Realizing that person knew all along they were putting you in a cycle of joy and confusion--Anger
Seeing how you, too, knew what was going on but chose not to stop it--Disappointment
Still loving this person, knowing their motives had nothing to do with love--Agony
Seeing this person live life without feeling the sadness you constantly feel--hell
Not having anyone to offer you a shoulder because they all told you "they weren't no good"--Depressing
Dealing with your loss alone --Loneliness
Learning that dealing without others doesn't mean you're doing it alone--GROWTH
Watching time go on though this person is not in your life--LIFE
Leaving that person in the past--SURVIVAL
Enjoying the present--POSITIVITY
Anticipating your future--HOPE
Loving another like you have never been hurt before--AMAZING


Though it hurts to experience loss, we must not allow what we have lost cause us to lose ourselves

It's okay to hurt.  As a matter of fact: pain is the aftermath caused by the exit of weakness.
Use your newly acquired strength to become a better person in preparation for the person God will emphasize those good things with...

Today is a Bad Day

So I woke up this morning and for some reason I just didn't think today was going to be a good day.  I woke up earlier than usual because for some reason my bed just didn't hold the comfort it usually offers me.  As I got ready to do a little early morning shopping, I looked in the mirror, and contrary to the introduction of this blog, I was able to see all that is wrong with me.  I didn't like my hips, my hair could be longer, I should buy some color to hide these grays.  Wait aren't I too young for gray hair?  My skin is not as pretty as I would like, and I could certainly stand to lose some more weight.  I'm single, and I keep falling for the wrong men.  I would love to talk to someone but I don't want to be a bother to anyone.  I would love for someone to call, but I know when they do, they will just want something from me.  I just don't have anything to give today, maybe tomorrow, but just not today.  I don't have any advice, kind words, or even a joke.  Today I just have imperfections and realizations that my life is not what I thought it would be by now.  I look around and I see all that I don't have, and just for today, it doesn't matter that I am blessed beyond what some can testify.  For today I failed to see what God has given me because my vision is clouded by what the world has taken away.

As I did my morning shopping, I thought about my father today.  I wondered why I can no longer remember what a hug from him was like.  I looked at his picture, and wondered why I can no longer recollect the sound of his voice.  I began to wonder how my life may have been if I were still able to smell that awful cologne he used to wear.  What if we had the opportunity to have just a few more years.  What if God hadn't decided He needed my father more?  What if I had a chance to ask him some of those questions only a father can answer? Would he have told me how to tell a good man from a bad?  Would he have said just because a man sees the good in you doesn't mean he will hesitate to destroy it?  Would he have said despite your imperfections, you are still 'daddy's little girl' and perfect in the sight of both me and God?"

I ended my day by looking through some old pictures.  I looked back at old friends I've had, new friends I've found, how my hair has changed over the years, how my weight has changed, how my perceptions have changed, and how my spirit has changed. A few years ago I would have woken up and saw these same imperfections I saw this morning, but I would have just gotten back into bed.  I would have not noticed the sun was shining because I would have just closed my eyes and hoped the mood would change with the passing hours.  But today, though a bad day, I took time to wonder, to revisit, to see my growth, and to grow.  Even though my perfections are all I see today, as I write (just the mention of God's name) removes my insecurities of what I am not, and leads me to see what He knows I have the potential to be.

As I'm sure, I will have more bad days, I can also be certain that good days will also make another appearance. I will just look at today as my dirt.  Without it, I would have nothing to grow from to new heights.  With it, I am able to add in good things to enhance my beauty as a person.

Not just words...

The statements of Man:

I'll ALWAYS be there for
I'll ALWAYS love you
I'll ALWAYS be real with you
I'll NEVER intentionally hurt you
I'll NEVER be inconsiderate of your feelings
I'll NEVER leave without saying goodbye...

I'll NEVER standby the above statements and I'll ALWAYS let you down


The AMAZINGNESS OF GOD:

WHEN you're at your lowest, I'll still the beauty I created in you
WHEN you've turned away from me, I'll still recognize that you are my child
WHEN you cry, I'll still offer you reasons to smile
WHEN you see that no man can replace me, I'll outstretch my arms to take you back in
WHEN you lose even what you never truly had, I'll still be available to be found
WHEN darkness clouds your way, I am still the light you need
WHEN man let's you down, I will still pick you up

WHEN YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE, I'LL GIVE YOU A MIRACLE


Notice that man will usually start reassuring you with "I'll"
A word used to focus on self.
Notice he often ends with "you"
Putting your needs after everyone else

Notice God begins with "When"
He knows just what we WILL go through
He already has a blessing waiting for someone to order,
Notice how He focuses on "you"

Notice how man uses "NEVER" and "ALWAYS"
As if he holds time in the palm of his hands
Notice how God never has to use those words
Yet they are the most understood words of His plan.

Notice how man's statements are consulted first
And until he proves he won't come through
We don't seek the only sure solution
And let God do what he is able to do

She Was There

Fearing the end is near
He looks to his right and she is there
He thinks of every major moment
And she was there
He thinks of every time he was lost,
And she was there.
He thinks of the times when she asked for nothing,
and he gave her even less...
Yet she stayed.
He remembers the times when she called, but he was too busy to answer
Yet she eventually called back
He recalls the days that all she needed was a hug
But he had other obligations,
Yet her arms were open when he had the time.
He remembers how he was never ready to settle with her
He was looking for excitement and something new
Yet his something new had no face or name now...
He looks into her eyes for what will be the last time and he sees
All the pain he caused,
All the tears he provoked,
All the times he turned his back,
All the comebacks he made,
All the women he put before her,
All the time he lost with her,
All the dreams they never would see
He looked through his memory book
And only before he knew her, was he happy without her
She was there for him, but he knew he would pay her back
Because he thought they had forever...
She looks down into his eyes for what will be the last time
She remembers the day they met
She recalls how he hung on her every word.
She thinks of how it was too good...to be true
And then it was gone
She remembers the pain of seeing him walk away
She feels the joy of his return
She hears him say, "he just wants to live right now...they have plenty of time to get serious."
She takes her heart out of it, and tries to go with the flow
But for her it is love
She wants the best for him, so she is there
She wishes for his happiness, so she is there
She is happy when he smiles, so she is there to see it
But when he is happy, his smiles attract what is new and exciting
And he is lead away only to return when his smile is gone
But she is there
When she heard her phone ring, she answered
When he needed a hug, she obliged
When he was ready to settle down, she was already there
When he left, she waited
When he came back, she rejoiced
But as she looked into his eyes for that last time, she knew that forever was gone
She had given all that she had
And he had happily taken,
But now that he was ready and able to give,
She could use nothing he offered.
As their story came to a close,
He was overcome with regret for not being the man he thought he had forever to become
But she regrets nothing because her forever included a man she never sought to change
A man she saw the best in because she looked for nothing less
A man who was kind hearted
A man who wanted to experience it all
A man who was ambitious
A man who was optimistic
A man who at his worst, was still the best to her.
As he reached for one last touch
And his hand ran through her hair
For the first time, and the very last time
He was finally there

Unrecognizable

As I look through the glass, I attempt to see the positive
I try to find the good, and I search to be optimistic
I watch that person who has become so familiar to me
It is I that sees that person get ready for a new day every morning.
I listen to their thought when they are the only audible sound
I wipe their tears when they are the only cleansing agent for the soul.
I fix this person's problems when no one else will listen.
I am this person's company when everyone else is too busy.
I know everything there is to know about this person.
Yet as I watch them through this glass, I have come to realize I know nothing

I wonder where the smile this person you to wear daily has gone
I ask myself why their eyes that were once filled with hope now only shines when light reflects off tears
I wonder why this person's heart which used to find the best in all, is now cold
I wonder why the optimism is now pessimism,
Happiness is nonexistent,
Hope is only determination to make it through the day, and
Love is only a four letter word.

I ask why this person who looked forward to the opportunity of self reflection now dreads a lonely room
Why when they watch the sun set, only a wasted day is evident
Why when they see the rising sun, they long for the time it will again set
Why what once brought joy, now provokes memories that brings sadness
Why what made them smile at one time, is now only a figment of the imagination
I wonder why their future is so uncertain
Why their present is so dismal, and why they long to return to the past
I look at this person and see that they hold themselves stagnate, instead of moving forward
They avoid the very things once loved,
This person runs from the things that once ran their world
Why have they lost themselves in the quest to find someone else

I have known this person all my life,
yet a stranger now stands before me
And as this stranger watches me watching her watching me, she flashes me a familiar smile
And although the gesture is involuntarily returned,
My heart is well aware it is not genuine

Everyone else who sees this person sees the familiar
Yet if they only knew what she covers with a smile, with silence, with a shrug, with a song, with a turn
to walk away
If they knew why she had built that wall around her heart, why she places distance between herself
and those she cares about the most
If they knew why she sings, why she writes, why she draws,or even why she paints
If they could only see the person I see in my own reflection,
She would be as unrecognizable to them as she is to me.